Gender stereotyping has been around for centuries. A person is taught and expected to behave according to their gender from a very young age. There is no doubt that the world has made immense progress in gender equality.
But still we as parents, subconsciously direct our children towards certain preferences based on their gender in our day-to-day lives. Is it time to rethink our reactions towards certain things?
Scene 1 : Gender Stereotyping on choice of characters
“Anaya, why are you carrying an Avengers backpack?? Frozen princess would have been a better option!” A shrill voice interrupted my third chapter of a book on Kindle at the school gate. As if WhatsApp addiction wasn’t enough, the Kindle craze was taking over me and I needed to finish this romantic comedy asap. Anaya looked on sheepishly as her mom sighed “Oh it was her choice!! She just doesn’t look at Disney princesses you know!” Both ladies looked at each other as if there was a major problem with poor Anaya.
The romantic comedy pushed itself out of my head for a while. Was this a miniature form of the so-cold gender stereotyping we so often discuss on big forums?
Scene 2: Gender Stereotyping on choice of toys
“Danny, what would you like for your birthday?” My cousin, an auto expert, asked my nephew a few days before he would turn 5. “I want that automated kitchen set, Uncle! The one that has a fridge, an oven, and a burrrbeqqquee!” The little one’s eyes gleamed as he envisioned his dream kitchen set. His uncle’s expressions matched those of his shocked father.
Scene 3: Gender Stereotyping on responsibility for chores
Homework time at home. We turned to yesterday’s completed homework which was corrected today. A number of activities were indicated ( cleaning the house, cooking, feeding kids, playing with them, etc) and the kids had to write who is responsible for each activity in their respective homes. “Mom, you know what? Sharon wrote “Daddy” against so many of them!! How would her Daddy cook or wash clothes ?” As he laughed in disbelief, I looked on sadly, feeling extremely defeated by societal norms and stereotyping that was creating harmful assumptions in my kid’s mind.
Scene 4: Gender Stereotyping on habits
In the class where the teacher was trying to find a kid’s lost English notebook. As I help her by handing over a neat-looking book, she exclaims, “Oh no! That’s Tisha’s. Trust girls to have such neat handwriting! She winks as I remember my grand Uncle who had the best handwriting I’d ever seen. He is a guy.
Scene 5: Gender Stereotyping on expression of emotions
My little boy had a bad fistfight with his best friend a few days back. He came home and burst into tears as he fell in momma’s arms. My cousin who had come visiting laughed as he pulled my son’s leg– why are you crying like a girl?”. I glared at him. It took me a while to clean off the bruise on his leg, but it took me even longer to clean the impression that was just getting imbibed in his mind. “It’s not just girls who cry, darling. It’s perfectly OK to cry. Cry when you want to let out the pain. It makes you human, not a girl or boy.”
“Humari choriyan choron se kam nahi hai!” (Our girls are no less than boys) A proud Aamir mouths the famous dialogue as he gets his daughters ready for Dangal (wrestling). While the crowd croons and applauds Mahavir Phogat’s (a famous Indian wrestler) attitude towards gender equality, is it really followed when our kids make their choices– in careers, clothes, toys, friends?
Why is pink a girl color and blue a boy color? Why are little boys who play with kitchen sets and dolls looked upon with suspicion? When the same little boys grow up to be Gordon Ramsay or Vikas Khanna’s, they are looked upon with awe. “What an achiever!”, we say as we see them on TV screens and international cooking shows.
Why are girls supposed to be neat and responsible older siblings while it’s OK if a boy spills juice on his baby brother’s pram- because boys will be boys? Even while choosing birthday gifts, we clarify, “It’s a boy’s birthday” when you send your spouse to buy a gift and wrapping paper.
If girls can choose professions so far deemed apt for boys (wrestling, boxing), then why discourage our little boys from doing what they like just because it’s a “girl’s job”? Time to think.
For all my educated friends out there, parents, would-be parents, uncles, aunts –
Let him play with that Barbie if he wishes to– it does not make him gay. Let her play with a gun if she fancies– it doesn’t make her less lady-like. Allow him to cry out loud if he’s in pain– physically or emotionally– it makes him more human. Don’t force her to join ballet lessons if she doesn’t– it doesn’t decide if she’s a girl or not.
Let’s go beyond the impression of boys or girls. Pink and blue are colors just like red or green.
Let’s get more human instead and allow them to be what they are– little children (and not just boys or girls).
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Such a relevant topic and the need of the hour. Beautifully written as always. 👏👏👏
Thank you Kiran !
It is an eye opener. We tend to take our comments so casually without thinking how our kids feel about it. Thanks for giving us a perspective on gender stereotyping and how we shout let our kids be the way they want to.